tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51340283133947487512024-02-20T13:21:07.213-05:00Purple Rainstephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-68143615598605779022010-06-14T14:55:00.006-04:002010-06-14T15:54:54.318-04:00Oh yes this is the lifeUpdate time for those seven people who read my blog- one of which most likely includes my amazing boyfriend- (update number one)!! More on that if you wish in person!<br /><br />Also, I am happily and trying to be unapologetically unemployed. My two-ish years as a server have been ones of learning so much about myself and I have immense respect for those who are in that business. <br /><br />Now I have all the time in the world to bum around. At least for another four weeks until I visit my beautiful cousin in Dallas and a friend in South Carolina. Myrtle Beach is a possibility and more bumming around. How can I handle all this free time? Drinking a myriad of beverages and popping through<br /><br />my reading list so far: <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Lectures to my Students - Charles H. Spurgeon</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Face on Your Plate- Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The New Birth Order Book- Dr. Kevin Leman</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">They Speak with Other Tongues- John L. Sherrill</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections- Roger Horchow</span><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Their Eyes Were Watching God- Zora Neale Hurston</span><br /><br />Any other suggestions?stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-65938105814339150222010-05-18T08:52:00.003-04:002010-05-18T09:01:52.780-04:00P.S.I wrote this about a year ago, and it's a little cheezy, but fits the frame of life I'm in at the moment:<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />To (fill in the blank)<br /><br />It's always there-<br />hanging fragile<br />a nagging possibility<br />discontentment?<br /><br />or merely<br />a desire, longing to <br />'live deliberately'<br /><br />I have many fears- though<br />a path 'less traveled' <br />stands waiting. I close my<br />eyes not to settle for dreaming<br /><br />but<br />grabbing hold<br />to what- I know not<br /><br />and His majesty and I<br />jumpstephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-28079235023425764812009-12-04T14:24:00.003-05:002009-12-04T15:02:59.857-05:00Rant-ishI meant to write about this when it happened (about 2 months ago) but of course I didn't. I was sitting in a crowded Ivy Tech waiting area, in line to see an advisor. I had been there a good hour and a half. This guy that I was sure came in 20 minutes after me got called in. Annoyed, I was about to go to the counter to make sure I hadn't been skipped. This young black girl, who was also waiting, started singing 'Amazing Grace.' She went through the song in this slow strong voice, which wasn't the most beautiful, but everyone just kinda froze and a stillness settled on the room. I only heard her, but helped put everything into perspective. Things like that probably happen in places like N.Y, but people don't just start singing a song about 'a wretch like me' in front of strangers in Indianapolis. <br /><br />My biology teacher somehow got talking about his 25 year old son, who is basically a beach bum in Australia. I guess he has a few odd jobs, but 'his biggest decision of the day is decide what beach to go to'. A few of my classmates relayed their incredulousness, some saying it would be cool. The teacher said one day he's going to have to grow up and get a secure job. That kind of talk saddens me. Sure, a 'secure' job would be fine if it's something you enjoy. But I'm trying to find the balance in my own mind in being a part of the rat race, and separating from that mind set. A 'bum' isn't a good lifestyle if you're lazy. A fancy office job isn't good if money and image are in first place. I also don't want to rain on a dedicated family man, who has, in part, become apart of working America. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I was just feel directly adverse to what is expected, to what 'growing up' means. It seems to mean putting on a suit, having a 5 day work week, paying bills, mortgages, depending on caffeine to propel you through 6AM and 3PM. And why does 'mortgage' have a 't' in it?!?!?!!stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-63024081247039162382009-09-30T23:14:00.002-04:002009-09-30T23:36:09.733-04:00Dear GodThank you for<br />my family, the dignity of hard work, music, strong wine, thoughts in late night, possibility, NPR, pumpkin bread, the opportunity to learn, democracy, Neo, farmers, crisp breezes, strong tea, cell phones to call far away friends, second helpings, eternity with you, pretty things, contentment, the world, the oceans, the sky, the moon, the smallness of me, a strong mind, second chances, third chances, grace, being there, contemplation, places with no building in sight, imagination, emotion, fourth chances, order, tears, your goodness your love.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-70192133905126669502009-09-25T09:28:00.003-04:002009-09-25T09:59:32.166-04:00I was a bit of an airhead yesterday. Couldn't spell my name the first time in class, forgot where broad ripple was on meridian, took off from work with my manager's keys still in my apron pocket... I guess that's all. Nothing catastrophic. I haven't left the house yet today except to get caught in the rain while walking the dog.<br />NPR had this story about a girl from Indonesia who was basically held as a slave for a wealthy family in CA for 7 seven years. She had come to the US to work and send the money back home to her family. However, there was no contract and the CA family didn't pay her the $50 a month they had originally promised her. She was only allowed to leave the house to get the mail. She was told that this was her destiny and that she would only be hurt/raped/killed if she did leave. A boy who frequently passed her on his bicycle when she got the mail saw 'the pain on her face' and eventually helped her to freedom. He gave her the number for an organization called CAST LA and now, after five years, she is finally without fear of this family taking her. I know she is just one of millions. 'In His name all oppression shall cease' and we must do something!!stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-90613751129675140872009-09-20T15:24:00.002-04:002009-09-20T15:46:31.559-04:00PeaceWhy do I choose the day my grandpa died to update this sad excuse for a blog? I don't know.<br />It's just the first time I've watched someone take their last breath. I don't feel much of anything right now, except the scene keeps playing over and over in my mind. I'm glad to have been able to be there with my aunt, uncle and my dad. <br />Hopefully I can write more later.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-37146360224873470562009-05-24T00:39:00.004-04:002009-05-24T00:53:43.596-04:00Thinking about the futureAs sure as crickets in a summer's night,<br /><br />As sure as girls leaning in for a picture.<br />As sure as a dusty farmer's truck.<br /><br />As sure as sorrow in the world<br />As sure as lines on a grandpa's face As sure as third graders joy at terms end<br /><br /><br />As sure as greasy dishes evaporating all bubbles <br />As sure as dirty laundry piles grow<br />As sure as the continual need for shopping outlets and new suburbs <br /><br />with two maples evenly spaced, crisp windowpane and a garage door that closes every night. <br /><br />I don't want my garage door to close every night.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-36756896378344208952009-05-18T00:01:00.002-04:002009-05-18T00:10:29.448-04:00me n sisMy sister just got home from visiting her boy toy and I'm going to enjoy watching a gilmore girl with her... yes the nerd girly show. It has been a favorite. We have been passing ships in the darkest night recently. I think I need to be more intentional about relationships, especially people that will always be there. Like family. But the odd part is, I tend to make more effort on the people far away and not close ones. Also, anyone who reads these words: you should blog! All my link-age has been stagnate. :) :)stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-38459536905742480552009-05-17T00:40:00.003-04:002009-05-17T01:15:54.016-04:00keep a strideThe view from where I'm sitting is quite normal and familiar, just my bedroom. I finished a glass of wine- with the goodwill sticker still on the end of it. The window's closed because it is still too cool out. Four books stacked. I miss my books being up here- they've been stuck in storage because there's no room their mass. My 'bean snake' has lost its microwave heat, but I don't feel like getting up to re-warm it. It is soon to be 1 AM and I haven't written a thing. <br /><br />I've been thinking about writing a lot more lately. I've stopped journaling somewhere along the way, and feel kinda guilty for it. It used to be an outlet and fun. Now writing a sentence is like pulling teeth. I'm starting to envy clacking keyboards, because those keyboard owners know what they want to say and have the words tripping off their fingers. And I have clacking keyboard envy. <br />Mine goes something like this: click clack cl---ick [pause] clacka clack clic--k. [pause] [PAUSE]<br /><br />I do want to be a writer. Or a Writer. Seriously or not, I've always loved the world of books and would love to add my 347 pages to the endless shelf.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-14122088737437096872009-05-14T13:31:00.002-04:002009-05-14T13:45:51.319-04:00misty delight-ishI don't know how many times this quote has been repeated, but i like it a lot :<br /><br />I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. <br />~Henry David Thoreau<br /><br />'.. to live deep...' yea. That sounds good. Wrote this about a year ago:<br /> <br />the same<br /><br />swingin' in a hammock<br />sun going down<br />summer sound of crickets<br />envelop me.<br />hole in my jeans<br />i ate a cupcake<br />chocolate.<br />pattern of slender branches<br />against a silver lining<br /><br />how're you doing, world?<br /><br />I'm past the stress and ache of the day<br />faced a fear or two<br />now it's just me- and sound<br />and i'm fine<br /><br />how are you world?<br /><br />what's everyone up to? because we're really all the same. <br />Insecure, lonely<br />without the time (we think)<br />to watch the lightening bugs<br />come out of hiding.<br />whose us in that plane? <br />wonder where their going? <br />I'm content here- in my swing<br />with you. <br /><br />how are you doing world?<br /><br />just remember<br />past everyone's differences<br />we're all the same.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-16583506992708248782009-05-11T23:05:00.002-04:002009-05-11T23:12:58.491-04:00I can't seem to get over several rude comments made tonight at work. They weren't said to me, but from one coworker to another. I feel like I've developed a thicker skin from some of the things that go on, but I very much wanted to hate this person. I didn't say anything in the other persons defense... maybe I should have. <br /><br />yuckstephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-1860652483474609282009-05-03T14:41:00.003-04:002009-05-03T14:52:48.922-04:00sadso, i'm typing this chicken peck style because i'm holding one depressed little puppy with my other arm. neo has gotten increasingly sadder because i think he believes all his boys have left him. my friend megan, who has hung out with me while everyone's been gone couldn't find him for 10 minutes when i was at work. she said she found him under the desk in a corner. and i can't tell him they will be back. i'm not very involved in his dog world, so it's of no comfort that i'm here :) now that i really think about it, it's an interesting thought about how animals are mute. i wonder if they could talk, or communicate somehow, before the curse. now my arm is falling asleep.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-64337619804303585772009-04-21T22:52:00.002-04:002009-04-21T23:09:56.866-04:00Poem I forgot how manyKnees<br /><br />Glint of a ray <br />Shines on my peachy surface,<br />Curvy almost<br />Boney. <br />Never lonely.<br />One and Two<br />I forgot<br />in the shower.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-81717325586782341492009-02-15T13:55:00.002-05:002009-02-15T13:58:44.050-05:00wanting some eternal perspectiveI pulled out an old Rich Mullins CD this morning; that man was close to the throne.<br /><br />Now, People say maybe things will get better <br />People say maybe it won't be long <br />And people say maybe you'll wake up tomorrow <br />And it'll all be gone <br />Well I only know that maybes just ain't enough <br />When you need something to hold on <br />There's only one thing that's clear <br /><br />I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life <br />But that ain't nothing to be afraid of <br />I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes <br />That ain't no reason to fear <br />I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life <br />Reach out to Jesus, hold on tight <br />He's been there before and He knows what it's like <br />You'll find He's therestephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-67875362723249228112009-02-03T15:03:00.003-05:002009-02-03T15:27:31.586-05:001."And it's a great day to be alive, I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes."<br /><br />In an email, a friend of mine wrote, "i do know worrying now is disobedience, takes away my strength, and denies God´s ability to do something incredible." I don't want life to be a flat road of struggle, of complacency, to do lists, of self.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-6200951796217331842008-12-26T16:54:00.002-05:002008-12-26T16:57:31.067-05:00I SAY I SAY I SAY BOYIt's foggy out<br /> and I'm wanting chili from wendys<br />before <br />working maybe while working...<br /> Is it weird I think the fog is cool?<br /><br />Looking forward to reminiscing in my new red notebook (half price was having a sale).stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-37681292728865342482008-12-23T16:02:00.004-05:002008-12-23T16:05:22.102-05:00and another day, but not just another daymerry christmas three ish days early... I think the eve is my most favorite day.<br />this is a poem I got from a friend--- kind of a liturgy. <br /><br /><br />it is a time of whispers<br />of rumors and echoes<br />angels are unfurling their wings<br />stars are dancing new steps<br />and the universe is drawing breath<br />for now we live in the waiting time<br /><br />let the darkness gather<br />let the seasons change<br />let the nights draw in<br />to their darkest moment<br /><br />the light is on it's way<br /><br />so come now<br />be a blessing to the frantic and worried world<br />come now<br />and find space<br />silence<br />stillness<br /><br />for God is slipping into skin<br />and restless in the womb<br /><br />it is adventstephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-83810417610322732712008-10-27T15:47:00.004-04:002008-10-27T16:18:10.451-04:00Everything.Today is one of those days where stuff gets done on autopilot and there's finally a harsh chill in the air that says.. yet again.. an Indiana winter is fast approaching. There might be a little romance left in fall but I doubt it. I don't think its a secret to many people that if I were honest, I'd be anywhere but here. And by here I mean activity and location in life. I find myself thinking ahead rather than what's going on at the moment. Although the more I think about it, I'm realizing how utterly selfish that is. Yet today is my little sister's eleventh birthday. She is the kind of 'baby of the family' in the way of looking out for us older ones. As well as sometimes being more mature and grow up. But I remember when I turned eleven. Not ten, not twelve. Only remember the eleventh year for some reason. The main thing I remember was feeling very 'the weight of all my years is upon me!' oh throw thy hand across thy brow for thee is of very olden years...! <br />And how quickly the years pass. Right now I am on my sixth day of recovering from an eye infection. Even though I can't put anything like a contact or eyeliner pencil near them, I still am so happy because I can do life things that involve more than a darkroom ambiance. It was really difficult. I took an average of 15 naps a day and listened to t.v shows. But I am so thankful for eyesight now! And being able to look at this computer screen full on without my eyes utterly failing me.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-71373316604852750582008-10-18T11:59:00.003-04:002008-10-18T12:04:35.909-04:00I'm engaged!That felt funny to even write. (j/k by the way) Everyone is getting married... I guess it happens. <br />And I found a new library today. 42nd and college. I'm very excited and am typing within its hallowed walls at this moment. To be able to marry books...but no. I'll hold out for flesh and blood.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-15638624603071947202008-10-15T20:37:00.004-04:002008-10-15T20:52:51.575-04:00Blond momentFor example, I've never really had to deal with peep holes before. But today, I was alone in the apartment and with the ensuing knock, I checked to see my visitor through this hole. Immediately ducking, I crawled carefully to the other room. Side note: if it was the boogie man, the door wasn't even locked. After a time of silence, I again crawled to noiselessly turn the bolt and deadlock the door. More knocks, and I hear.. "maintenance!" I then opened the door (with the deadlock still intact) and told him to come back another day. <br />Shockingly, I learned the other person cannot see you peep at them. Which I guess is the point of the peep hole. I even double checked on the outside, and couldn't see a thing. Sad I know.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-82765723614802951792008-10-08T20:41:00.002-04:002008-10-08T20:56:13.781-04:00No more coffee...at least from a certain corporation. <br /><br />While you're online, google "starbucks and leaving the tap running". There's a lot that comes up. Has anyone heard of this/knew of this before now?? I don't look behind their counters, but it's kind of surprising this would only now come to light. I asked a friend who had worked at Starbucks if they really keep water running constantly, and she said they did, but it was recycled water. I'm thinking about boycotting forever, plus the fact that they boast of being environmentally aware. Finding some smaller business to support would be great.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-1273448560288916452008-10-06T12:54:00.002-04:002008-10-06T13:11:01.186-04:00Ugg, it's a beautiful fall monday and I have a long procrastinated paper hanging over me. Like the sword with the thread... what was that fable anyway? Many questions need answers, like do I really want to write (as a major)? If I like writing enough to do it seriously, then why isn't this paper a breeze? Yes, this is truly a college student's broken record. <br /><br />Some updates: I'm not going to Ireland. I probably would have been able to with more time and planning, but after crunching numbers with red ink and tears, it's not going to work this time. Hopefully it will still be there in a couple years. <br />I'll also have a new address for the next couple of months. I'm moving out with 3 other girlies and it will probably be a bit tight (2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom) but FUN. <br />Anyone want some pumpkin bread? I have the best recipe and I will make some for you.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-55318845813779946732008-10-03T22:07:00.002-04:002008-10-03T22:13:32.140-04:00a heart attack<br /><br />got too many questions<br />and not enough words<br /><br />got too many books <br />and not enough time...<br /><br />someday.<br /><br />got too many ambitions<br />and not enough spunk<br /><br />got too many places to go<br />and not enough gas...<br /><br />someday i will.<br /><br />got too many pieces to learn<br />and not enough patience<br /><br />got too many people to see<br />miles to run<br />recipes to try<br />homeless to relieve<br />gardens to create<br />lists to finish<br />lessons to learn<br /><br /><br />STOP!<br /><br />I will.. someday.<br /><br /><br />Don't work tomorrow... going to a PU football game in Lafeyette!!stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-64355294570696279692008-09-26T16:36:00.003-04:002008-09-26T16:42:54.521-04:00I've sporadically written poems-of-a-sort through this century, and thought I'd start posting some. I won't start out with my favorites, as it will hopefully lower expectations and such. Here's one for today. I believe it was written staring at a Christmas tree.<br /><br /><br />the popcorn strand<br /><br />a squiggly row<br />one row<br />half-done, alone<br />amid the light and green.<br />a splash of<br />old-fashioned nostalgia<br />and then- stopped.stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134028313394748751.post-53548975150227704342008-09-19T02:02:00.002-04:002008-09-19T02:06:59.298-04:00I love 2AM. The world is different; more tiptoe-ish and mysterious. I'm hanging out with a friend in Lafayette IN, I caught her home amidst her travels around the world. (HI MEGAN!!) We just baked cookies with the friends called a glass of wine and good conversation. Glorious, wonderful world... what good things will you reveal tomorrow?stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00487537851581150297noreply@blogger.com1